PREMATURE EJACULATION
People often wonder what my most frequently asked
question is. It is by far: "How do I solve my premature ejaculation problems?"
So, this week, we will look at ways to cure this problem that plagues many men.
According to University of Chicago sociologist Edward Laumann, lead author of a
comprehensive U.S. sex study, 31% of men and 43% of women suffer from some form
of sexual dysfunction.
The study, published in the Journal of the American
Medical Association, was based on data from the 1992 National Health and Social
Life Survey, a collection of interviews with 1,749 women and 1,410 men aged 18
to 59. One-third of men said they had recurring problems with premature
ejaculation, 14% said they had no interest in sex and 8% said they regularly
experienced no pleasure from sex.
Women, on the other hand, were a different
story. A third said they regularly didn't want sex, 26% said they regularly
didn't reach orgasm and 23% said sex was not pleasurable.
In both sexes,
these problems were attributed to emotional and stress problems including poor
health, poor quality of life and prior traumatic sexual experiences.premature
ejaculation
Although premature ejaculation is the most common sexual
dysfunction, it is very difficult for men to discuss. A man who can't get it up
or keep it up, understandably feels like less of a man. However, it should not
be this way. If more men were willing to talk about their problem, it would be
easier to accept, knowing that they are not alone.
Often, men are not sure
what is considered premature ejaculation.
The average male takes less
than three minutes from the time of insertion till he ejaculates. According to
the technical definition, it is ejaculation that occurs prior to when a man
wishes, or too quickly during intercourse to satisfy the partner. This usually
leads to the loss of a usable erection for the simple reason that their
discharge has temporarily released a state of elevated sexual tension.
The
complaint is usually stated in terms of time because it is the only way to
measure and compare. The issue, however, is really about control of the
ejaculatory process and releasing when you feel ready. Men are usually more
upset about the lack influence over when they ejaculate.
One man might feel
proud to last 10 minutes, while this may be too short for another. Like the
saying goes: One man's trash is another man's treasure .fixing the
problem
From the point of view of reproduction, early release is not a major
problem. Lasting longer in bed serves no known genetic function. It is something
that we must learn to do, as opposed to it being innate.
First, one
must understand what is happening to his body when he ejaculates. Orgasm
consists of two stages. The first begins with the prostate gland, which
encircles the urethra like a tiny donut above the base of the penis. This
contracts and releases its fluids, along with the contents of the seminal
vesicle, into the urethra.
The second phase occurs when the pelvic muscle
contracts strongly around the bulb, forcing the fluid out under considerable
pressure. Men should be aware that it is possible to ejaculate without having an
orgasm and vice versa.
Get help
The good news is that this is a problem
that is highly curable, providing the man is willing to get help and invest the
time and effort needed. It is believed that 80% to 90% of men are able to learn
better control through therapy.
The first step to lasting longer is to become
familiar with one's self. Be comfortable with your body, its sensations and the
feelings leading up to orgasm. You should learn and be able to predict when the
orgasm will occur. This will prevent it from creeping up on you and taking you
by surprise. This will also help you do what is necessary to prevent you from
reaching that "point of no return."
The "stop and start" method involves
bringing yourself just before the point of no return and stopping all movement
before it is too late. When the urgency to ejaculate subsides, start thrusting
again, and repeat several times.
This can also be practiced using your
partner's hand, mouth or even by yourself. It may require some trial and error,
as you may pass that point accidentally.
Breathe
Many people are not aware
of it, but proper breathing can help develop ejaculatory control. This is
because taking a few deep breaths can help you relax and calm the arousal and
tension that leads to premature ejaculation. Practice deep, easy, relaxed
breathing and relax your entire body.
Communication is another key to
long-lasting sex. Let your partner know when you are getting close and what you
can and cannot handle. This will involve the use of actual words, since
nonverbal cues are easily misunderstood. "Stop," "Hold it," "Start," and "More,"
are obvious choices and anything else that's short and clear is
acceptable.
Other causes of premature ejaculation are anxiety, fear or
discomfort with your partner. Premature ejaculation is less likely to occur if
the couple knows each other well, feels comfortable with one another, and if
both partners are consenting, in a comfortable, relaxed and private setting, and
after contraception issues have been discussed.
Many men can also last longer
the second time around, so perhaps this can be incorporated into your
lovemaking. If round one is short, please her with some extended foreplay using
your mouth, or with an erotic massage during half-time until your soldier is
ready for battle once again.
Use creams
Desensitizing creams lessen the
sensations felt by men during intercourse so that they can last longer. The
problem that many men feel is that these creams make intercourse less
pleasurable due to the decreased stimulation.
Condoms reduce the amount of
stimulation experienced during sex. Many men find that a condom makes them last
longer because of the decreased stimulation. As you all know, condoms provide
the best protection against STDs and pregnancy, so they have added
benefits.
The position of lovemaking may also affect a man's ability to last
in bed. The missionary position is not the best position while attempting to
control ejaculation. All men, however, are different and some men find it harder
to hold themselves when their partner is in control.
Experiment and vary the
positions according to what allows you to control yourself better.
Perform
Kegels
Finally, strong, well-developed pelvic muscles will allow you better
control and make you more aware of what is happening in your nether regions.
Pelvic floor muscles are the ones used to stop and start urination. Hold the
muscles for three seconds, relax for three seconds, and repeat 10 times.
You
can do this at anytime and in any place. Eventually, you should be able to work
your way up to 100 10-second contractions per day.
make it lastPremature
ejaculation can be easily countered with patience, effort and knowledge.
Informing yourself is the first step, and once you know about the problem, you
are halfway there. Overcoming the mental and physical aspects of this problems
are also much easier if both partners are involved, aware of the situation and
open to discuss it.