Introducing Anal Sex

Anal sex is one of the most taboo forms of sexual play commonly practiced. Long a source of societal shame and discomfort, many people feel the anus is off-limits so it's embarrassing for some people to admit they like having their anus touched or stimulated. But there's really no reason to be embarrassed. Anal play has long been a part of sexual practice for over a third of Americans, including homosexual and heterosexual men and women, both partnered and alone. Most people don't realize that anal intercourse is the least practiced form of anal play; stimulation with fingers, toys and tongues is far more common, partly because the prostate, the rectum and the rim of the anus are all rich sources of nerve endings. Gentle stimulation of these areas can be very pleasurable.

Talk to your partner about anal sex and anal play. Find out his or her feelings on the subject. If he or she is adamantly opposed, back off for awhile. Try giving your partner a book on the subject. After he or she is better informed, your partner may be more willing to discuss integrating anal play into your relationship. Approach the subject carefully, and be very aware of your partner's feelings. Many women are embarrassed about anal sex, but have been longing to try it for a long time. Likewise, many men are extremely eager to experiment with this new form of play (as receivers and givers), yet remain convinced their partners would never consider it. Talk to each other about your desires. You may have more in common than you think!

Anal Play
Once you're both comfortable with the idea, start slowly. Try different kinds of lubrications and find one you both like. Then start with gentle touching. If you feel uncomfortable or tense, stop for a few minutes and try to relax until you're ready to experiment further. Many people enjoy having a finger slowly inserted into their anus. Your partner might try twirling his or her finger just inside the sphincter muscles, or a gentle shunting motion in and out of the anus. You might want to progress to rimming, a form or oral sex performed on the anus, or experimentation with dildos and other anal toys. Always use lots of lubrication and never insert anything into your anus that doesn't have a flared end -- the last thing you want is a trip to the emergency room!

Anal Intercourse
Many men and women are curious about anal sex but are scared about comfort and safety issues. If you are curious, the following steps will ensure you have a safe and enjoyable experience.

Use a condom. Never go from anus to mouth, or anus to vagina, without washing carefully (and changing condoms) in between.

If the thought of some fecal matter is horribly repulsive to you, the receptive partner can use an enema beforehand.

The anus has no natural lubrication, so you'll need to use plenty of lubricant.

Relax and go slow. Encourage the receiving partner to take deep breaths and communicate his or her feelings aloud.

Start with external stimulation from something small, like a finger or a small vibrating toy.

Once the receiving partner has relaxed and begun to feel aroused, insert the finger or toy gently into the anus, letting the anal sphincter accommodate the object.

Gently move the object in a shallow circular motion. The two rims of the sphincter are rife with nerve endings, so this small motion should feel good. If it doesn't, stop or do something different.

When you are both ready to move on to something larger, consider using a small dildo or vibrator first. This will allow greater control and may make things easier for the receiving partner.

Once you are ready to introduce a penis or larger sex toy into the anus, slow down and proceed with caution.

Allow the receptive partner to set the depth and pace.

Breathe and concentrate on relaxing your anus. Keep communicating.

Don't neglect stimulation of other parts of the body. Clitoral or penis stimulation combined with anal play can be quite exciting.

Stop immediately if there is discomfort or if either partner says he or she wants to stop.

This should be an enjoyable experience. If it is not, stop.

Anal Toys
Anal sex can be enjoyed in various forms by both men and women of all sexual orientations. If you're afraid to broach the subject with your partner, you're not alone: many people don't find the courage to experiment with anal play until well into their sexual lives. However, you might consider taking a deep breath and blurting out your interest in anal play. Who knows? Your partner may have been secretly longing to tell you of his or her own interest! At the worst, you may feel some embarrassment. At best, you'll discover a new experience that will stimulate you and maybe even enrich your sex life. You may also find that you just don't care for anal sex. That's fine too. Anal sex isn't for everyone!