By Garry Viney

An old friend of mine (we’ll call him Luke here because he said he wanted to remain anonymous) was tired of being single and sick of having to hit the bars and clubs every Saturday night in an attempt to meet women.

Naturally, I suggested he sign up with SexyAds.

Luke agreed to give it a try. He said he was looking for something long-term, but if he got laid in the process then so much the better.

Every now and then, Luke and I meet up for a drink at Michael’s (if you’re ever in the Knoxville area of Tennessee, drop by for an ale) and he tells me about what’s been happening in his life, particularly his sex life. 

He’s usually fairly blasé about that sort of stuff, but one particular night I could sense that he was genuinely excited. I knew there was something he wanted to tell me but was holding out for some reason or other.

“What is it?” I asked and Luke gave me a puzzled look.

“What’s what?”

“What is it you want to tell me?”

Luke took a sip of his beer and grinned. “It’s just funny how sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you expected.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, a few months ago, I started emailing this woman on your site. I guess I found her interesting because her ad didn’t mention sex in any way, shape or form.”

“That doesn’t sound like you!” I joked and Luke laughed.

“No. But seriously, we’ve been sending messages back and forth ever since. Just for fun, y’know. And in the end curiosity got the better of me and I asked her out on a date.

“And?”

“Well, at first, she seemed kind of quiet and really coy. She seemed uncomfortable even talking about sex. And I was thinking ‘she’s lovely and all but a bit conservative for my tastes’.”

“Who isn’t?” I joked again.

Luke simply smiled. “Yeah, but here’s the thing,” he said, giving me that sly-dog look of his. “I wound up taking her back to my place and it was the best goddamn sex I’ve had in my entire life.”

“No shit?”

“Nope. I’ve gotta tell ya, man. She was awesome. Absolutely incredible.”

Truth is, I wasn’t exactly surprised by Luke’s supposed revelation. It reminded me of a time when I was in my mid-twenties and had just started dating a girl by the name of Courtney. She was very cute but, I thought, not an overly sexual person.

Courtney and I went out two or three times before the subject of sex even came up, but once it did, she seemed as eager as me to get between the sheets. I guess she had just been waiting to see if the chemistry was right.

I still wasn’t expecting much from the act itself, but how wrong I turned out to be.

Courtney was, to use Luke’s expression, absolutely incredible and completely uninhibited in bed. She barely said a word while we were fucking, but she didn’t need to. She was one of those people who gets lost in the moment and is totally absorbed by the intensity of it all. I remember lying there afterwards and thinking that whoever came up with the line about not judging a book by its cover sure got it right.

Even after we’d done the deed, Courtney rarely talked about sex when we were out. Yet, as soon as we were back at her place, things just seemed to happen naturally. I didn’t need to ask if she wanted to be on top. I didn’t need to ask if she wanted to do it doggy-style. And once, without so much as a word of warning, she blew me right there on the balcony, in full view of the neighbors in the apartment block across the way (I hope they got off on it because I sure did!)

I guess that’s the point of telling you all this.

Some women like to send out the message that they’re sexual dynamos – some deliver on this promise, others don’t – and some keep you guessing. It’s not that they’re consciously trying to be mysterious. It’s just that they believe actions speak louder than words.

It may take a little extra charm and effort to get these closet sex kittens to open up to you. But believe me, once you’ve made them feel sexy and desirable, they’ll sure make it worth your while.